Saturday 14 May 2011
Wednesday 11 May 2011
How to Stop Being Too Tired for Sex
1. Prioritize, dammit. Here’s the deal: Anything you place at the bottom of your list will never get done. Chances are, if you’re reading this, that’s exactly what you’ve been doing with your (not-so-hot) sex life. So it’s time to move sex up the list a few notches. You might not realize that you’ve been putting sex after that book you’re reading, or Jay (as in, Leno) before your man. Not exactly a recipe for a happy relationship, huh? Bump sex up to the top of your evening ritual and you might not be too tired anymore.
2. Identify sneaky time sucks. When was the last time you said you were too tired to browse Facebook or your favorite design blogs? Uh-huh. Newsflash: Those 20 minutes you think you just spent reading dumb status updates or looking at kitchens really took an hour. (That’s the magic of the web—time flies.) That’s also an hour you could have been shagging your significant other.
3. “Energy map” your day. Ask yourself when you feel most sexy (or just flat out horny). Also ask yourself when that "up for it" vibe goes bye-bye. Are you feeling frisky right after your morning shower but bloated and lazy after dinner? Compare times with your partner and see where they intersect. Maybe “decompression hour” right after work would be better spent “decompressing” under the sheets. Then again, perhaps it’s a rise-and-shine kind of thing for you guys. Or, you might just have to switch off who gets to do it when they’re in the mood. Bottom line: Pay more attention to your prime sexy time.
4. Kick the TV out of the bedroom already! How many times do we have to say it? There are countless studies linking a flat screen in the bedroom to a flatlining sex life. One Italian study even claimed that a bedroom boob tube reduces couple’s sexual activity by 50 percent. If you’re awake enough to watch Lockup Raw at 2a.m., you’re awake enough to do the deed (hey, lazy sex can still be delish).
5. Use your imagination. Making an effort and perhaps, scheduling sex (yes, we just wrote that terribly unsexy phrase) doesn’t have to turn the dirty deed into a chore. A little planning is actually a great excuse to get adventurous. Make a date to meet for a little noontime nookie during your lunch breaks. If budget allows, get a hotel room once in awhile and treat it like a torrid affair. See how titillating schedules can be?
2. Identify sneaky time sucks. When was the last time you said you were too tired to browse Facebook or your favorite design blogs? Uh-huh. Newsflash: Those 20 minutes you think you just spent reading dumb status updates or looking at kitchens really took an hour. (That’s the magic of the web—time flies.) That’s also an hour you could have been shagging your significant other.
3. “Energy map” your day. Ask yourself when you feel most sexy (or just flat out horny). Also ask yourself when that "up for it" vibe goes bye-bye. Are you feeling frisky right after your morning shower but bloated and lazy after dinner? Compare times with your partner and see where they intersect. Maybe “decompression hour” right after work would be better spent “decompressing” under the sheets. Then again, perhaps it’s a rise-and-shine kind of thing for you guys. Or, you might just have to switch off who gets to do it when they’re in the mood. Bottom line: Pay more attention to your prime sexy time.
4. Kick the TV out of the bedroom already! How many times do we have to say it? There are countless studies linking a flat screen in the bedroom to a flatlining sex life. One Italian study even claimed that a bedroom boob tube reduces couple’s sexual activity by 50 percent. If you’re awake enough to watch Lockup Raw at 2a.m., you’re awake enough to do the deed (hey, lazy sex can still be delish).
5. Use your imagination. Making an effort and perhaps, scheduling sex (yes, we just wrote that terribly unsexy phrase) doesn’t have to turn the dirty deed into a chore. A little planning is actually a great excuse to get adventurous. Make a date to meet for a little noontime nookie during your lunch breaks. If budget allows, get a hotel room once in awhile and treat it like a torrid affair. See how titillating schedules can be?
Stop with the Sexcuses, Start Having More Sex!
You might be young and just starting your lives together, but statistics show there’s a good chance your parents are doing it more than you (no joke!). So what’s going on? Well, 20- and 30-somethings have a lot more excuses for not doing it than ever before. So as part of our initiative to help more couples get their sex lives back on track, we’ve identified the top sexcuses—plus, tips for getting over them.
Your Sexcuse: One (or both) of you is always too tired.
The Sexolution: The thing about sex is that if you make it low on the priority list, it never gets done, so putting it off until the end of the night is really setting yourself up for not doing it. So stop saving it for the end of the day. If you're running full steam all day long, and then come home, make dinner, do laundry, watch TV and finish that work project before dragging yourself to bed, of course you're not going to feel like doing it! So how about getting busy right when you get home from work? Or, after dinner, have something else for dessert (hint, hint).
Your Sexcuse: Your legs haven't seen a razor in a week, you haven't showered, or you're waiting for when you have the time (and energy) to set out candles and dedicate the entire evening to lovemaking.
The Sexolution: While it's important to still try (read: maintain the same grooming practices you did before you shacked up), it's unreasonable to think that, for the rest of your lives, you're always going to be perfectly shaven, showered or have the time to set the perfect romantic tone or go all night long. Point is, if you make sex a big production, you're probably not going to be doing it very often. If you didn't get around to shaving your legs, don't ward off his advances -- just dim the lights. If you didn't shower, but your partner's ready to go, who cares? Hey, clearly she's still turned on. If you're really self-conscious, jump in the shower together for a change of sexcenery (sorry, we couldn't help ourselves!).
Your Sexcuse: Sex isn't what it used to be, and most of the time, it just feels like a race to orgasm. You don't want to hurt your partner's feelings, but you'd like to try some new moves, 'cause whatever (s)he's doing now isn't getting you particularly excited to do it again.
The Sexolution: Remember: Positive reinforcement works wonders -- and criticism kills libido. So when something feels good, make sure your partner knows (a little moaning or an "Oh, yeah, right there baby!" goes a long way). Take charge and move to the position you like or gently lead her hand to the right place. Another safe (and fun) strategy: Consider taking turns having a romp where each of you gets to be the one "in control" and gets to tell the other person what you like.
Your Sexcuse: You just don't have time.
The Sexolution: The fact is, if you're both so busy that the last time you made time for some boot knocking was when you were on vacation, you need to start scheduling it in. Think of it this way: Putting sex on the calendar can actually be a total turn-on -- anticipating the big event all day is like prolonged foreplay. Start with scheduling once-a-week appointments; then keep adding more dates to the calendar. After a while, you might fall into such a (sexy) routine that you won't need to schedule "dates" anymore (although you may still want to).
Your Sexcuse: You like to have sex at night; he likes it in the morning.
The Sexolution: You've probably heard by now that relationships are all about compromise and doing things for each other. So why should your sex life be any different? Men's testosterone levels rise in the morning (hence, the a.m. woody), so it's no surprise that he's raring to go when you first wake up. So one morning a week, take advantage of his libido boost and do it. But all's fair in love and war, so he has to motivate to get busy one night that week too. This is one compromise where ultimately you both win, so it shouldn't be hard to make. Also, find out what it is about morning sex or bedtime romps that your other half doesn't like. If it's the morning breath, then keep some mints on your nightstand. If he doesn't want to cut into his beauty rest, head to bed a half hour earlier one night, so he can still get his full eight hours.
Your Sexcuse: You've got spin class.
The Sexolution: Um, skip it? For real, sex is a little bit like going to the gym anyway: There are times you really don't want to go, but after you do, you're always glad you went. Plus, it can burn at least 85 calories if you really get into it. (Don't believe us? Try these calorie-burning sex moves, and you'll see what we mean.) So maybe once a week, swap your gym routine for some heart-pumping sex. Not only is it a valid form of exercise, but it causes an endorphin (chemicals in your brain that make you feel happy) rush and, as a side bonus, causes you to fall a little bit more in love with your significant other.
Your Sexcuse: Your favorite show is on.
The Sexolution: Hello! DVR and TiVo are there for a reason, people! If your significant other wants you, shouldn't that trump everything -- even The Donald? Really, you can't pass on sex for TV. That's just not right.
Your Sexcuse: You're always working late or bringing work home, and you're so stressed, it's hard to think about anything else (including sex).
The Sexolution: Life has a way of getting in the way of a good roll in the hay. But don't forget: Your partner is supposed to be your oasis in the shitstorm of life. Plus, sex is a big-time stress buster (that can also help put you to sleep if work is keeping you up). So make your bedroom a peaceful place and leave your day-to-day responsibilities (like cell phones and computers) outside. When you're in there, enforce rules -- like no fighting, no criticizing, no talking about work or any other stressors -- so you can focus on enjoying each other. Relying on your partner to help you relax and get through stressful times will not only bring you closer, it could boost your work performance too (find out some other benefits of regular romps here).
Your Sexcuse: You don't feel so sexy anymore, especially naked.
The Sexolution: It happens. So find a way to bring the sexy back. If those extra cohabitating calories are making you dread getting naked, commit to an exercise and healthy-eating regime (if you tell your partner the purpose of this new plan, he or she might be willing to jump on board too). Just feeling a little frumpy? Buy yourself some sexy lingerie, get a haircut or pump some iron -- whatever it takes to feel like your hot, bone-able self again.
PS: To commit to a healthy (read: busy) sex life and get more great tips for keeping things hot, join our sexathon.
Nestperts: Joselin Linder and Elena Donovan Mauer, coauthors of Have Sex Like You Just Met and The Good Girl's Guide to Living in Sin (HaveSexLikeYouJustMet.com)
Your Sexcuse: One (or both) of you is always too tired.
The Sexolution: The thing about sex is that if you make it low on the priority list, it never gets done, so putting it off until the end of the night is really setting yourself up for not doing it. So stop saving it for the end of the day. If you're running full steam all day long, and then come home, make dinner, do laundry, watch TV and finish that work project before dragging yourself to bed, of course you're not going to feel like doing it! So how about getting busy right when you get home from work? Or, after dinner, have something else for dessert (hint, hint).
Your Sexcuse: Your legs haven't seen a razor in a week, you haven't showered, or you're waiting for when you have the time (and energy) to set out candles and dedicate the entire evening to lovemaking.
The Sexolution: While it's important to still try (read: maintain the same grooming practices you did before you shacked up), it's unreasonable to think that, for the rest of your lives, you're always going to be perfectly shaven, showered or have the time to set the perfect romantic tone or go all night long. Point is, if you make sex a big production, you're probably not going to be doing it very often. If you didn't get around to shaving your legs, don't ward off his advances -- just dim the lights. If you didn't shower, but your partner's ready to go, who cares? Hey, clearly she's still turned on. If you're really self-conscious, jump in the shower together for a change of sexcenery (sorry, we couldn't help ourselves!).
Your Sexcuse: Sex isn't what it used to be, and most of the time, it just feels like a race to orgasm. You don't want to hurt your partner's feelings, but you'd like to try some new moves, 'cause whatever (s)he's doing now isn't getting you particularly excited to do it again.
The Sexolution: Remember: Positive reinforcement works wonders -- and criticism kills libido. So when something feels good, make sure your partner knows (a little moaning or an "Oh, yeah, right there baby!" goes a long way). Take charge and move to the position you like or gently lead her hand to the right place. Another safe (and fun) strategy: Consider taking turns having a romp where each of you gets to be the one "in control" and gets to tell the other person what you like.
Your Sexcuse: You just don't have time.
The Sexolution: The fact is, if you're both so busy that the last time you made time for some boot knocking was when you were on vacation, you need to start scheduling it in. Think of it this way: Putting sex on the calendar can actually be a total turn-on -- anticipating the big event all day is like prolonged foreplay. Start with scheduling once-a-week appointments; then keep adding more dates to the calendar. After a while, you might fall into such a (sexy) routine that you won't need to schedule "dates" anymore (although you may still want to).
Your Sexcuse: You like to have sex at night; he likes it in the morning.
The Sexolution: You've probably heard by now that relationships are all about compromise and doing things for each other. So why should your sex life be any different? Men's testosterone levels rise in the morning (hence, the a.m. woody), so it's no surprise that he's raring to go when you first wake up. So one morning a week, take advantage of his libido boost and do it. But all's fair in love and war, so he has to motivate to get busy one night that week too. This is one compromise where ultimately you both win, so it shouldn't be hard to make. Also, find out what it is about morning sex or bedtime romps that your other half doesn't like. If it's the morning breath, then keep some mints on your nightstand. If he doesn't want to cut into his beauty rest, head to bed a half hour earlier one night, so he can still get his full eight hours.
Your Sexcuse: You've got spin class.
The Sexolution: Um, skip it? For real, sex is a little bit like going to the gym anyway: There are times you really don't want to go, but after you do, you're always glad you went. Plus, it can burn at least 85 calories if you really get into it. (Don't believe us? Try these calorie-burning sex moves, and you'll see what we mean.) So maybe once a week, swap your gym routine for some heart-pumping sex. Not only is it a valid form of exercise, but it causes an endorphin (chemicals in your brain that make you feel happy) rush and, as a side bonus, causes you to fall a little bit more in love with your significant other.
Your Sexcuse: Your favorite show is on.
The Sexolution: Hello! DVR and TiVo are there for a reason, people! If your significant other wants you, shouldn't that trump everything -- even The Donald? Really, you can't pass on sex for TV. That's just not right.
Your Sexcuse: You're always working late or bringing work home, and you're so stressed, it's hard to think about anything else (including sex).
The Sexolution: Life has a way of getting in the way of a good roll in the hay. But don't forget: Your partner is supposed to be your oasis in the shitstorm of life. Plus, sex is a big-time stress buster (that can also help put you to sleep if work is keeping you up). So make your bedroom a peaceful place and leave your day-to-day responsibilities (like cell phones and computers) outside. When you're in there, enforce rules -- like no fighting, no criticizing, no talking about work or any other stressors -- so you can focus on enjoying each other. Relying on your partner to help you relax and get through stressful times will not only bring you closer, it could boost your work performance too (find out some other benefits of regular romps here).
Your Sexcuse: You don't feel so sexy anymore, especially naked.
The Sexolution: It happens. So find a way to bring the sexy back. If those extra cohabitating calories are making you dread getting naked, commit to an exercise and healthy-eating regime (if you tell your partner the purpose of this new plan, he or she might be willing to jump on board too). Just feeling a little frumpy? Buy yourself some sexy lingerie, get a haircut or pump some iron -- whatever it takes to feel like your hot, bone-able self again.
PS: To commit to a healthy (read: busy) sex life and get more great tips for keeping things hot, join our sexathon.
Nestperts: Joselin Linder and Elena Donovan Mauer, coauthors of Have Sex Like You Just Met and The Good Girl's Guide to Living in Sin (HaveSexLikeYouJustMet.com)
date ideas
Outdoor Sweat Sesh Head to a local park for a hike, run, bike ride or tennis match. Get your blood pumping, and you might notice something else pumping too (we’re talking about your libido in case you didn’t catch the innuendo). We’re just saying…
Geocaching Geocaching is really a teched-out game of hide-and-seek for fun-loving adults like yourselves. All you need is your GPS. Then go to Geocatching.com to get the location of a "treasure" and start hunting. Even if you're not really into the whole treasure-hunting thing, it's a great way to explore nearby areas.
Paintball Square off against your spouse on the field and work out all that excess energy. Or if you're feeling merciful, pair up with your sweetie against another team.
A Bicycle Built for Two The ultimate exercise in teamwork and trust, tandem bicycling is both a great workout and a chance for you two to get in sync. Rent one at a bike store near you.
Horseback Riding Find a local farm or a nearby equestrian school and book a couple's ride through the countryside.
Picnic Spread a blanket on a flat spot and dine on fresh fruit, chocolate, cheese, and wine (the menu is up to you two, of course). If you get rained out, you can always cheat and spread out a blanket on the bed.
Pub Crawl Hit up three or four of your favorite watering holes around town and try a new beer or drink at each one. Okay, this isn't entirely outside, but hey, doesn't walking from bar to bar count?
Wine Tour Springtime means vino time. Most wineries offer free wine tastings and tours, and if it's a little nippy, just drink more! (Find a vineyard or winery near you at WinesandTimes.com.)
Volunteer Get some fresh air and give your relationship a karmic boost: Sign up to help clean up a local park or highway, or if you're good with a hammer, you can help build homes in nearby neighborhoods with Habitat for Humanity (Habitat.org).
Sow Some Seeds This could be the year you actually build that vegetable garden you've been talking about since you moved in. Spring is prime planting time, so hit up the nursery to pick up seeds for your favorites fruits, veggies and herbs. Digging can actually be a lot of fun when you have your partner in crime by your side. Come summer, you'll be enjoying fresh tomatoes and basil picked right from your backyard.
Watch the Sun Rise
You’ve probably watched the sun set many, many times, but when was the last time the two of you caught the sunrise? Check the time online at SunriseSunset.com, grab a blanket and a thermos of hot cocoa, and enjoy the calmness of the morning hours together.
Italian Restaurant
Recreate the classic scene from Lady and the Tramp and do some smooching over spaghetti and red wine at your favorite Italian eatery.
Heat Up by the Fire
Build a crackling fire in the living room. Take turns reading aloud from a sexy book (here are some of our favorites) in front of the blaze. The catch: You can’t touch each other until you’re done reading. How’s that for getting a fire started?
Relive the Past
Have a stay-at-home nostalgia fest. Plan a decadent meal and dine in on the sofa. Watch your wedding video together or flip through your wedding album and honeymoon photos. Talk one new thing you’ve discovered about each other since you said “I do.”
Rent a Movie
Sure it’s simple, but sometimes snuggling up on the couch together and watching a good love story is all you two need to reconnect. In the mood for romance? Watch one of these films. Want to see some juicy sex scenes? Try one of these.
Recreate Your Honeymoon
In the spirit of your honeymoon, spend a day relaxing and luxuriating in life’s simple pleasures (read: food, drink, and sex). Set the thermostat really high for just one day so you two can lounge around in bathing suits or your skivvies. Cook up some of your favorite seafood and kick back in beach chairs with your favorite brews or tropical drinks.
Call in Sick
Never underestimate the power of spending an entire day alone with your significant other, especially when you're supposed to be somewhere else. Don't clean the house or go to the grocery store! Instead, park yourselves in the living room and hibernate in your PJ's. The rules: You're not allowed to leave the house. Order takeout, watch movies, and get busy.
Go Back to High School
Relive those turbulent, testosterone-driven high school years by driving to your town’s Lover's Lane, listening to love songs on the tape deck, and getting hot 'n heavy in the backseat.
Money might make the world go ’round, but it’s also the number-one cause of marriage meltdowns -- no matter how much or little you have. Much like fighting over what kind of sofa to buy (the vintage-modern versus the sectional with built-in recliners) or which color to paint the den (robin’s egg blue versus Pittsburgh Steelers yellow), squabbles over how to manage your money as a couple really come down to a matter of style.
But unlike decor trends, there’s no “in” or “out” when it comes to financial points of view. The best way to mesh those money mind-sets is to communicate (that means talk, people), agree on a common goal, and stick to it. To get you thinking about what dinero-related glitches you’d like to square away in your own marriage, we asked three brave Nestie couples to tell us about their own money issues. Carmen Wong Ulrich, anchor of CNBC’s On the Money, acted as financial referee, listened to both sides of the story, and gave these newlyweds savvy advice. Read on to see what tools they’ll use to make over their money relationship...you may want to steal them for yourself!
Los Angeles
Age: He's 36; she's 26.
Career: He's an actor/musician; she's a writer.
The problem: What to do with extra cash.
After paying their rent and bills, Amanda and Mikush disagree on how to spend the leftover income.
His POV: “I want to combine and save our fun money to buy bigger-ticket items that will make a difference, like music equipment that can help boost my career.”
Her POV: “I’d like some of that money to go to things that I find ‘fun,’ like the occasional manicure or some new clothes. I also have $2,500 in credit card debt I’d desperately like to pay down or pay off.”
The Fix: Choose priorities. “First, if you have $2,500 of ‘fun’ money and $2,500 of credit card debt, you really have no ‘fun’ money,” says Wong Ulrich. Amanda and Mikush need to take care of credit card debt first -- make a plan to pay it off ASAP! After that’s done, think in terms of joint goals and open an account for household expenses and mutual interests, like an annual vacation.
Leftover money should go into individual accounts that they manage themselves. Why? So they can actually call it “fun.” Amanda can’t really enjoy Mikush’s music equipment, and Mikush can’t really enjoy Amanda’s manicures (at least firsthand), says Wong Ulrich. “As long as they both have the same financial goals, such as paying off their credit card debt and building up their savings, they can relish having some ‘fun’ money, even if it’s just 10 percent of their take-home pay.”
New York City
Age: He's 24; she's 22.
Career: He's a student; she's a communications coordinator.
The Problem: Different money styles.
Rachel and Robbie worry what their money philosophies (she’s a spender; he’s a saver) mean for their new marriage.
His POV: “I really like to research and plan before I make a purchase. I’ve been known to check out prices in several different stores before making my final decision. To me, it’s completely worth the time to find the right price, and most importantly, save money.”
Her POV: “I like to be spontaneous—take cabs, go out to dinner with friends, get my hair cut and buy clothes without having to deliberate and comparison shop. I just don’t want to think about every money decision I make.”
The Fix: Find middle ground. “Comparison shopping works for many things, such as flat-screens, laptops and cars, but it can seriously crimp your quality of life when you crunch numbers for every single dollar you spend,” says Wong Ulrich. Penny-pinching in moderation can help Rachel and Robbie budget—but penny-pinching on everything that they buy may just build resentment. Wong Ulrich’s solution? “Rachel should start cutting down on some of her spending, and Robbie can loosen up and live a little when it’s not too pricey.”
Las Vegas
Age: He's 28; she's 25.
Career: He's an air-conditioning technician; she's an account executive at a PR firm.
The Problem: Trouble following the money trail.
With new careers, a marriage and becoming first-time parents, Leslie and Craig’s financial lives are getting complicated.
His POV: “I deposit my paycheck in the account and the money just disappears. Where does it all go?”
Her POV: “I handle all the finances and have a hard time getting my husband to understand that running a household is an expensive business!”
The Fix: Track finances. “It may seem like there’s no time to track spending, but it’s too expensive not to,” advises Wong Ulrich. Leslie and Craig need to pool their receipts and credit card bills for one month and spend a couple of hours tallying up totals to see where they can cut. “It’s great that Leslie handles household finances, but she needs to sit down with Craig and show him in black and white what money goes where,” Wong Ulrich says. Whether it’s a simple Excel spreadsheet, Microsoft Money or a free money site like wesabe.com, Leslie can spell things out for both of them. They could also use one household credit card so expenses are laid out in one statement. They just need to be sure to pay it off monthly in full. Adds Wong Ulrich, “Online banking will help them track their spending patterns, and automatic transfers to a savings account mean money moves into the ‘plus’ column and won’t linger in the ‘spend’ pool!”
Nestpert: Carmen Wong Ulrich, anchor of CNBC’s On the Money and personal finance blogger at CNBC.com
Geocaching Geocaching is really a teched-out game of hide-and-seek for fun-loving adults like yourselves. All you need is your GPS. Then go to Geocatching.com to get the location of a "treasure" and start hunting. Even if you're not really into the whole treasure-hunting thing, it's a great way to explore nearby areas.
Paintball Square off against your spouse on the field and work out all that excess energy. Or if you're feeling merciful, pair up with your sweetie against another team.
A Bicycle Built for Two The ultimate exercise in teamwork and trust, tandem bicycling is both a great workout and a chance for you two to get in sync. Rent one at a bike store near you.
Horseback Riding Find a local farm or a nearby equestrian school and book a couple's ride through the countryside.
Picnic Spread a blanket on a flat spot and dine on fresh fruit, chocolate, cheese, and wine (the menu is up to you two, of course). If you get rained out, you can always cheat and spread out a blanket on the bed.
Pub Crawl Hit up three or four of your favorite watering holes around town and try a new beer or drink at each one. Okay, this isn't entirely outside, but hey, doesn't walking from bar to bar count?
Wine Tour Springtime means vino time. Most wineries offer free wine tastings and tours, and if it's a little nippy, just drink more! (Find a vineyard or winery near you at WinesandTimes.com.)
Volunteer Get some fresh air and give your relationship a karmic boost: Sign up to help clean up a local park or highway, or if you're good with a hammer, you can help build homes in nearby neighborhoods with Habitat for Humanity (Habitat.org).
Sow Some Seeds This could be the year you actually build that vegetable garden you've been talking about since you moved in. Spring is prime planting time, so hit up the nursery to pick up seeds for your favorites fruits, veggies and herbs. Digging can actually be a lot of fun when you have your partner in crime by your side. Come summer, you'll be enjoying fresh tomatoes and basil picked right from your backyard.
Watch the Sun Rise
You’ve probably watched the sun set many, many times, but when was the last time the two of you caught the sunrise? Check the time online at SunriseSunset.com, grab a blanket and a thermos of hot cocoa, and enjoy the calmness of the morning hours together.
Italian Restaurant
Recreate the classic scene from Lady and the Tramp and do some smooching over spaghetti and red wine at your favorite Italian eatery.
Heat Up by the Fire
Build a crackling fire in the living room. Take turns reading aloud from a sexy book (here are some of our favorites) in front of the blaze. The catch: You can’t touch each other until you’re done reading. How’s that for getting a fire started?
Relive the Past
Have a stay-at-home nostalgia fest. Plan a decadent meal and dine in on the sofa. Watch your wedding video together or flip through your wedding album and honeymoon photos. Talk one new thing you’ve discovered about each other since you said “I do.”
Rent a Movie
Sure it’s simple, but sometimes snuggling up on the couch together and watching a good love story is all you two need to reconnect. In the mood for romance? Watch one of these films. Want to see some juicy sex scenes? Try one of these.
Recreate Your Honeymoon
In the spirit of your honeymoon, spend a day relaxing and luxuriating in life’s simple pleasures (read: food, drink, and sex). Set the thermostat really high for just one day so you two can lounge around in bathing suits or your skivvies. Cook up some of your favorite seafood and kick back in beach chairs with your favorite brews or tropical drinks.
Call in Sick
Never underestimate the power of spending an entire day alone with your significant other, especially when you're supposed to be somewhere else. Don't clean the house or go to the grocery store! Instead, park yourselves in the living room and hibernate in your PJ's. The rules: You're not allowed to leave the house. Order takeout, watch movies, and get busy.
Go Back to High School
Relive those turbulent, testosterone-driven high school years by driving to your town’s Lover's Lane, listening to love songs on the tape deck, and getting hot 'n heavy in the backseat.
Money might make the world go ’round, but it’s also the number-one cause of marriage meltdowns -- no matter how much or little you have. Much like fighting over what kind of sofa to buy (the vintage-modern versus the sectional with built-in recliners) or which color to paint the den (robin’s egg blue versus Pittsburgh Steelers yellow), squabbles over how to manage your money as a couple really come down to a matter of style.
But unlike decor trends, there’s no “in” or “out” when it comes to financial points of view. The best way to mesh those money mind-sets is to communicate (that means talk, people), agree on a common goal, and stick to it. To get you thinking about what dinero-related glitches you’d like to square away in your own marriage, we asked three brave Nestie couples to tell us about their own money issues. Carmen Wong Ulrich, anchor of CNBC’s On the Money, acted as financial referee, listened to both sides of the story, and gave these newlyweds savvy advice. Read on to see what tools they’ll use to make over their money relationship...you may want to steal them for yourself!
Los Angeles
Age: He's 36; she's 26.
Career: He's an actor/musician; she's a writer.
The problem: What to do with extra cash.
After paying their rent and bills, Amanda and Mikush disagree on how to spend the leftover income.
His POV: “I want to combine and save our fun money to buy bigger-ticket items that will make a difference, like music equipment that can help boost my career.”
Her POV: “I’d like some of that money to go to things that I find ‘fun,’ like the occasional manicure or some new clothes. I also have $2,500 in credit card debt I’d desperately like to pay down or pay off.”
The Fix: Choose priorities. “First, if you have $2,500 of ‘fun’ money and $2,500 of credit card debt, you really have no ‘fun’ money,” says Wong Ulrich. Amanda and Mikush need to take care of credit card debt first -- make a plan to pay it off ASAP! After that’s done, think in terms of joint goals and open an account for household expenses and mutual interests, like an annual vacation.
Leftover money should go into individual accounts that they manage themselves. Why? So they can actually call it “fun.” Amanda can’t really enjoy Mikush’s music equipment, and Mikush can’t really enjoy Amanda’s manicures (at least firsthand), says Wong Ulrich. “As long as they both have the same financial goals, such as paying off their credit card debt and building up their savings, they can relish having some ‘fun’ money, even if it’s just 10 percent of their take-home pay.”
New York City
Age: He's 24; she's 22.
Career: He's a student; she's a communications coordinator.
The Problem: Different money styles.
Rachel and Robbie worry what their money philosophies (she’s a spender; he’s a saver) mean for their new marriage.
His POV: “I really like to research and plan before I make a purchase. I’ve been known to check out prices in several different stores before making my final decision. To me, it’s completely worth the time to find the right price, and most importantly, save money.”
Her POV: “I like to be spontaneous—take cabs, go out to dinner with friends, get my hair cut and buy clothes without having to deliberate and comparison shop. I just don’t want to think about every money decision I make.”
The Fix: Find middle ground. “Comparison shopping works for many things, such as flat-screens, laptops and cars, but it can seriously crimp your quality of life when you crunch numbers for every single dollar you spend,” says Wong Ulrich. Penny-pinching in moderation can help Rachel and Robbie budget—but penny-pinching on everything that they buy may just build resentment. Wong Ulrich’s solution? “Rachel should start cutting down on some of her spending, and Robbie can loosen up and live a little when it’s not too pricey.”
Las Vegas
Age: He's 28; she's 25.
Career: He's an air-conditioning technician; she's an account executive at a PR firm.
The Problem: Trouble following the money trail.
With new careers, a marriage and becoming first-time parents, Leslie and Craig’s financial lives are getting complicated.
His POV: “I deposit my paycheck in the account and the money just disappears. Where does it all go?”
Her POV: “I handle all the finances and have a hard time getting my husband to understand that running a household is an expensive business!”
The Fix: Track finances. “It may seem like there’s no time to track spending, but it’s too expensive not to,” advises Wong Ulrich. Leslie and Craig need to pool their receipts and credit card bills for one month and spend a couple of hours tallying up totals to see where they can cut. “It’s great that Leslie handles household finances, but she needs to sit down with Craig and show him in black and white what money goes where,” Wong Ulrich says. Whether it’s a simple Excel spreadsheet, Microsoft Money or a free money site like wesabe.com, Leslie can spell things out for both of them. They could also use one household credit card so expenses are laid out in one statement. They just need to be sure to pay it off monthly in full. Adds Wong Ulrich, “Online banking will help them track their spending patterns, and automatic transfers to a savings account mean money moves into the ‘plus’ column and won’t linger in the ‘spend’ pool!”
Nestpert: Carmen Wong Ulrich, anchor of CNBC’s On the Money and personal finance blogger at CNBC.com
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